Information Technology

Information Technology-Shield


The Benton County department of  Information Technology is dedicated to providing and supporting reliable technologies and technology-based services in a timely, high-quality, cost-effective manner to all clients of county government.

1. Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
- Andy Borowitz

2. I'd rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook.
- Craig Coelho
3. “User” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean “idiot.”
- Dave Barry
4. What did people do when they went to the bathroom before smart phones?
- Aaron Cobra Mervis ‏@FeelingMervis
5. Each time I shut my computer down, I throw my head back in maniacal laughter and scream "Fool! I was only using you!"
- Bridger Winegar
6. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips
7. The problem with quotes on the internet is you can never be certain they're authentic.
- Abraham Lincoln

– The 12 Days of Info Tech Christmas –

On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:

A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)

On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:

Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?)
And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!)

On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:

Three French users (who, of course, think they know everything)
Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all over the net)
And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)

Skipping ahead

On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:

Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)

Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an extension?)

Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room tiles in mauve?)

Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate dial-in?)

Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we have?!?!)

Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)

Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I wouldn't be calling!)

Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your credit rating!)

Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet again!)

Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector is bad?)

And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of that!)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:

Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be two!)
Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to do, anyway?)
Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look like XMas lights.)
Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics before backups?)
Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during business hours.)
Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know it.)
Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)
Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't even boot!)
Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end up with you!)
Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude screen backgrounds!)
Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token ring...)
And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator, we were just talking and were cut off...)

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

by K.Walsh and Family




      Benton County    620 Market Street    Prosser, Washington 99350
      Phone: (509) 786-5710 or (509) 783-1310
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